Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
