Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize