where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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