I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
