it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im holly from the hills drunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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