I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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