He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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