and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
