Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
