There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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