actually, I'm a sock model
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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