just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
