I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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