I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
