is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
