Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
