Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
