the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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