Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
