the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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