i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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