As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
