I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
