Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Couch. On fire.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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