I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
