he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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