Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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