Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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