We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
