I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
