just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
