i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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