I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
