obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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