my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
