I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
