Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize