I skipped work to stalk him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
