Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
