I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
