Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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