Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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