I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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