omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
