I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
