I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
