I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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