I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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