Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
