duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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