I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dick very happy bro
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
