MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
