Barsexuality is the new black.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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