he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
