I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did i walk over a car last night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
