$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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