people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
