that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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