I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
