So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
where are my eyebrows?
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