I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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