Sry I called you an 8
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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